Passive writing will kill your book!
Passive [indirect] writing is very wordy writing. It's easily identified by the words 'will be', 'been', 'being', 'was' and 'by', eg The boy was bitten by the dog.
Active voice or writing is direct eg The dog bit the boy.
Another way to tell indirect or passive writing is the use of imperfect past tense - the almost constant use of words ending in 'ing' eg:
The heavens opened and the light shower that had been trickling down turned to pelting rain, hammering the corrugated roof of the dilapidated building. The old seat, positioned on the pier and looking out to the bay, gradually appeared through the murky light. Rover was standing next to it. A figure was sitting silently on the bench stroking the dog’s soggy ears. Suspicion was Harry's first instinct; however, the fact that Rover was allowing the man to stroke him gave Harry some feeling of security.
Imperfect past tense will kill writing faster than cliches, overdone humour and adjectives up to your armpits - look for this basic mistake before you edit for Point of View, Voice, dangling participles [although this can be the reason for them!] or anything else.
The rewritten piece:
The sky opened and the rain now hammered on the corrugated iron roof. An old seat that faced the bay could be seen in the murky light. Rover stood beside it and the figure on the bench stoked the dog's soggy ears. Harry was suspicious but the fact that Rover allowed this gave him some security.
Still not great, but notice how the second piece is more immediate .
And 85 words [8 'ing' words that weren't nouns] versus 56 words [no 'ing' words] makes it an improvement for that fact only.
Oh, and there were 2 'ly' words in those 85 original words - ratio of 1:42.5
If the first piece above was your first draft - that's OK, keep writing. It'll all come out in the editing. But don't think the first piece will pass as polished work.
Jennifer
Passive [indirect] writing is very wordy writing. It's easily identified by the words 'will be', 'been', 'being', 'was' and 'by', eg The boy was bitten by the dog.
Active voice or writing is direct eg The dog bit the boy.
Another way to tell indirect or passive writing is the use of imperfect past tense - the almost constant use of words ending in 'ing' eg:
The heavens opened and the light shower that had been trickling down turned to pelting rain, hammering the corrugated roof of the dilapidated building. The old seat, positioned on the pier and looking out to the bay, gradually appeared through the murky light. Rover was standing next to it. A figure was sitting silently on the bench stroking the dog’s soggy ears. Suspicion was Harry's first instinct; however, the fact that Rover was allowing the man to stroke him gave Harry some feeling of security.
Imperfect past tense will kill writing faster than cliches, overdone humour and adjectives up to your armpits - look for this basic mistake before you edit for Point of View, Voice, dangling participles [although this can be the reason for them!] or anything else.
The rewritten piece:
The sky opened and the rain now hammered on the corrugated iron roof. An old seat that faced the bay could be seen in the murky light. Rover stood beside it and the figure on the bench stoked the dog's soggy ears. Harry was suspicious but the fact that Rover allowed this gave him some security.
Still not great, but notice how the second piece is more immediate .
And 85 words [8 'ing' words that weren't nouns] versus 56 words [no 'ing' words] makes it an improvement for that fact only.
Oh, and there were 2 'ly' words in those 85 original words - ratio of 1:42.5
If the first piece above was your first draft - that's OK, keep writing. It'll all come out in the editing. But don't think the first piece will pass as polished work.
Jennifer
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